Latest News >> 2008-07-20 2008-06-25

I’ve been completely fed up with news/feed/rss/atom readers these days. I use Linux as my primary operating system, and I only have a few feeds that I want to rip through quick so I can get to reading the content. Yet, trying to find a reader that doesn’t suck donkey balls has been a chore.

2008-06-21

Wanna know what all the Ruby vulnerabilities are? Or at least have a fun look at how to search through code for clues? It’s a blast.

2008-06-13

I’m dropping a large blog post on everyone to just say that I haven’t died, I’ve just been busy working on my book for A/W about Mongrel. I had contracted with them to do a book about deploying Mongrel, but then decided it wouldn’t be a very good book since we’d already done one about that topic and there wasn’t too much more to say.

My Application for Apple’s

WWDC Student Program

I kept getting spammed by Apple begging me to fill out their WWDC “student scholarship application”. Even if I win the stupid scholarship (which is 1500+ bucks US), there’s no way I could afford the time or money necessary to travel to the conference and get a hotel room. I figured I would fill out the damn form so they would quit bugging me, and what the hell, maybe I’ll get lucky. They plan on a “recruiting” session after some weird student brain washing, clockwork orange-ish, propaganda meeting.

As I started to fill out the gigantor sized application, I thought it would be great to make the person reading it laugh. Here’s some of the best answers to the questions:

What is your primary course of study (university major)? The annoying part of this question is that the only possible answers are Computer Science, Engineering, Fine Arts, Math, Liberal Arts, and Others. I guess guys like me who are studying that evil capitalist version of geek-knowledge known as Management Information Systems just don’ t matter. I picked other, but thought I could select Liberal Arts.

If you have not attended before, please describe your reasons for wanting to attend the conference. “I recently purchased an iBook, and got screwed by Apple when they dropped the price, increased the performance, and came out with a new OS version within one month of my purchase. I would like to attend WWDC so I can find Steve Jobs and kick him in the ass. Oh, and I really like Objective-C and OSX, so I’d like to meet with other people who are also into them.”

What type of development work do you do, if any? “Most of the time I spend working on my porn site which makes me tons of mad cash. This site is powered by all the great buzzwords in the industry: Java, Objective-C, CORBA, SOAP, C++, Perl, Lua, R, and all interconnected using an RFC 1149 network which covers the Vancouver area. The site is down right now as I started running out of food and had to eat some of the pigeons, but it will be back up in the spring.”

What development tools do you use? “My favorite development tool is the hammer. My iBook has this messed up CD-ROM drive which refuses to read CDs after only about 6 months of usage. I figured out that the drive will work temporarily if I pound the CD-ROM drive with a large mallet while standing on my head in a graceful yoga pose. I of course don’t have any grace at all, so I spend a lot of time balancing on my head trying to smack my crappy iBook just so I can play the latest Bob Log III album “Log Bomb”. It’s great, you should grab it.”

What are your career plans? Are you considering a career in software or hardware development? “Actually, I’m thinking of starting a career in Topless Midget Throwing. I first have to acquire the breast implants so that I can work in the more successful tranny bars. Once I’ve got my falsies, I’ll be able to earn butt loads of cash tossing little people around a sleazy downtown Vancouver bar. If that doesn’t work out, then I’ll probably just keep working as a software developer doing portal development.”

What areas, outside of code-level development, interest you (web design, marketing, etc.) Please describe your interests briefly. “I like martial arts, yoga, philosophy, and programming for fun. I read actively and enjoy an active life. I’m 6’2” tall, tall dark and handsome with blue eyes and a slight build. I’m looking for someone with similar interests for conversation or more intimate relations. My box number is 4567. (Another joke in case you missed it).”

What motivated you to join the Apple Developer Connection Student Program? “Well, free cash is always good. What idiot would pass up a potential 1500 bucks cash. US cash at that. I mean really, have you ever been in college.? I barely have enough to support my expensive on-line porn activities. I’ve had to resort to scrounging for free stuff through the Usenet. I would probably sell my grandmother’s kidneys to a Chinese organ farmer for a couple bucks and a snickers bar.”

Is there anything else you would like the judges to consider? “Yes, please consider your role in the universe and how it affects others. You should also consider sending me an e-mail if you found these answers funny at all. I probably wouldn’t be able to attend as I’m not rich enough to fly to San Diego and spend a week talking to a bunch of other geeks. So, please give the scholarship to someone who will actually need it. Still, I’d like to know if I at least made you smile, so please e-mail me. Thanks.”