The Atlantic has this incredibly long winded and very one-sided view of art history that makes the claim that entrepreneurs are the new artists. At first I thought this was a huge load of bullshit, but then I realized they may be on to something. I thought about it for, like, 5 minutes more and realized that The Atlantic is brilliant! They have nailed it. The entrepreneur and the artist have so much in common.
I have this new theory on accomplishment that you can say you are good at a thing once you either get paid or laid doing it. Since most artists never get paid for their work, all they have is getting laid to prove that they’re actually accomplished at making colorful wall decorations for incredibly rich assholes to hide in their mansions. This is why artists strive so hard to be sexy, but they don’t have to try very hard because our society has placed them near the top of the boning scale. When you read about artists you find out that they’re simply banging everything. Men, women, cans of paint, animals, everything. They’re so desirable for their ability to apply pigment in ways that makes wealthy people wealthier that they can simply walk down the street and get some hot BDSM action.
But who’s at the top of this scale of getting laid? That’s right, the wealthy. There are people so wealthy they can throw Nazi themed sex parties with super models and artists in attendance without any problems. The entrepreneur just has to pretend he’s on track to be wealthy and he can viagra his way right to the tippy top boning ranks on the promise that one day he might invent Uber and stop being an ugly lumpy looking trollkin looking thing just like Travis Kalanick.
Entrepreneurs and artists are both about changing the world. For the artist it’s by selling piles of garbage, paintings of incomprehensible color patterns, sculptures of dildos, or literally nothing to incredibly wealthy patrons who then hide the art in their mansions so nobody can see it. By selling art to the crazy wealthy, artists are being socially conscious participants in the world and making sure that poor kids in Detroit can see art every day. That’s how you change the world when you’re an artist. You soften the hearts of the wealthy while they’re banging a stripper at their Nazi themed sex parties.
Entrepreneurs are also trying to change the world with their glorious startups. For them it’s all about selling the startup to the same wealthy patrons either through investments or just getting bought out after they’ve driven their business into the ground. They’ll change the world with their “uber for diapers” for sure, and everyone in the company will benefit from their stock options and make like $5000 whole dollars after the investors make their millions or billions. ‘Cause that’s how you change the world my friends. By fattening the pockets of the wealthy while they’re filling a warehouse with meth to give to the strippers they keep in their dungeon.
Artists love to say that there needs to be more artists and that means they shouldn’t have to work a shitty day job like the rest of us “non-creatives” to be able to do what we love. As Molly Crabapple said over at Boing Boing:
“The number one thing that would let more independent artists exists in America is a universal basic income.”
Molly sells her art to really super wealthy people, so she knows that in order to have more art end up in the hands of crazy wealthy assholes, you need more artists. I mean, how else can they speculate on the art market if there’s not more people producing art to speculate on? It’s like when banks were hiring crackheads to help fill out loan applications in 2008. If you have wild speculation on something, you will find just about anyone to make it for you.
But read that quote again. Apparently artists are so entitled and so special (and also mostly white) that they feel they deserve totally free money with no strings attached for simply existing. Notice she didn’t say, “The country would a better place if there was a universal basic income.” She didn’t even say, “We could help the poor with a universal basic income.” She said, “The way you take all those rich kids who can afford $180k in tuition and turn them into ‘artists’ is to give them money to blow on heroin rather than working like the rest of us.” I still don’t know why artists think they shouldn’t have to work like everyone else to gain the freedom to do what they love, but apparently it’s super important. Probably involves giving children and the poor things that will actually just benefit someone wealthy.
Artists are so entitled now that they don’t even want to suffer for their art, but if you want even more entitlement then you need to look no further than entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurs are so special, and so unique, that we debate whether they’re born or made. They are special breeds of humans who are real men taking risks that nobody else will by taking money from incredibly wealthy people in loans that have zero risk to them. Entrepreneurs are the good looking, strong willed, powerful future despots of the Kingdom of Corporate and everyone else is just a worthless nobody who needs to work for them.
And just like artists, entrepreneurs feel they should be given free money just because they exist and can sling together two words around a preposition. Once they get that money their entire life’s goal is to then avoid working at all costs. It’s the entrepreneur dream to make his bank then go steal a public access beach like the Ocean Grinch.
Artists are very important. Why? Pfft. How dare you ask that! Because art is important! No, not everyone can make art silly. Only true artists can make art, and you better not question their socially conscious washing machine scupltures because that’s just an affront to all that is art. How dare you have an opinion on what you like, commoner. You commoners are so lacking in social consciousness it disgusts me. Art feeds the souls of the poor wealthy men who can afford to buy it. Art helps children who’s parents are rich enough to live near schools with art programs. Art is everything, and by extension so is everyone who calls anything they do “art”. Artists are vastly important, and even though everything anyone produces is valid art, not everyone can make just anything like an artist can make just anything and call it art.
Entrepreneurs are just as important. Everything they make is clearly going to change the world. Whether that’s helping Starbucks open more Starbucks, making the cold fusion of batteries, or automating AirBNB, they are definitely changing the world. They’re going to make those poor wealthy investors so much more money that they’ll have no choice but to give their employees another, like, thousand dollars in bonuses once they get sold to Google as a pity deal. Entrepreneurs are the life blood of the world and when they gain power, wow, do they do great things with their money.
Entreprenuers are so important that they are mythological beings who are the sacred guardians of bitcoin (who apparently told a judge he should be released so he can change the world).
It’s true. I now see it. Entrepreneurs and artists now share that incredible sweet spot in our society of being given positions of great status for doing so little. They are allowed to produce anything and declare it a sign that they are somehow more special than the rest of us. More important. More deserving of favor than us common idiots who work boring day jobs. No longer should they have to struggle to do their important work of making things for the ultra wealthy. No my dear readers, they are everything in our society and champions of our plight.
Artists and Entrepreneurs belong together.